Cinema Monolith

Reviews of movies from my giant DVD tower, and more.

The Movie Burger

The Movie Burger

My friend Lindsey over at The Motion Pictures came up with a fun idea for a post: take the seven layers of your basic American hamburger, attach a ‘favorite movie’ question to each layer, and voilà! A movie burger! She invited me to give it a try, so I did, and below you’ll find the films that make up my perfect and most delicious cinematic cheeseburger.

Bottom Half of the Bun
(the first film in a series that you love)

The Bourne Identity (2002): There are many film series I enjoy portions of, but only one I love in its entirety, and that’s the collection of Bourne films that began with The Bourne Identity, one of my favorite espionage films ever. I can watch each and every one of these spy tales again and again (and yes, that does include the fourth installment starring Jeremy Renner), and never grow tired of them.

The Movie Burger - The Great Escape

Burger Patty
(a long film—over 2½ hours—that you’ve watched and enjoyed)

The Great Escape (1963): Not only is it one I’ve watched and enjoyed, but one I proudly rank as one of my Top 5 favorites of all-time. My Dad introduced me to this 172-minute WWII classic when I was a kid, and I’ve been hooked ever since. And as misguided as this may sound, this was the film I once chose to watch with a girl on our first ‘hang out’ date together; hey, it’s nearly three hours long…I knew what I was doing!

The Movie Burger - The Creeping Terror

(a so-bad-it’s-good film that you love)

The Creeping Terror (1964): For many years my most beloved ‘best-worst’ films had been Twisted Brain and Curse of Bigfoot, but that all changed when this slice of Limburger came along, which featured a giant alien carpet that crawled at a snail’s pace and devoured idiots at will, and which I first discovered while watching an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Good lord, what a mess…but the most hilarious and entertaining mess you’ll ever see.

The Movie Burger - Paperman

(a short film, less than an hour long, that you love)

Paperman (2012): Six-and-a-half minutes of pure animated perfection. I cannot begin to tell you how much I love this short romance story, about a man, a woman, and a paper airplane, set against a wonderful art deco backdrop of New York City in the 1940s. I’m not ashamed to admit this little gem gets me misty-eyed every time I watch it. A masterful combination of story, artwork, music, and of course, the lovely Meg.

The Movie Burger - Creature from the Haunted Sea

(a film that you loved or hated, depending on whether you love or hate tomatoes)

Creature from the Haunted Sea (1961): I’ll be brutally honest: I hate tomatoes, and I most definitely hate Creature from the Haunted Sea. There are bad films that are fun, and bad films that are bad, but this was sixty-three long minutes of absolute low-grade tedium and mind-numbing, bore-you-to-tears nothingness. The above photo, featuring an amphibious Cookie Monster, should be incentive enough to stay away.

The Movie Burger - Moulin Rouge

(a film you didn’t expect to love)

Moulin Rouge! (2001): I’m not a big fan of musicals, so I was confident I’d care nothing about this flashy romance musical set in turn-of-the-century Paris. But it was a favorite of my friend Maureen, and she’d wanted me to see it, convinced that I’d like it as much as she did. And she was right: this was a fun, eye-popping, song-and-dance treat that I truly enjoyed, and which soon became a part of the Monolith collection.

The Movie Burger - A Night in Casablanca

Top Half of the Bun
(the last film in a series that you dreaded watching, because you didn’t want the series to end)

A Night in Casablanca (1946): I know this isn’t truly part of a film ‘series’, but I couldn’t come up with one that fit the rule, and this is what immediately came to mind when I thought of a film that brought a revered canon to a close. In this instance, it was the last offering in what’s considered the true Marx Bros. filmography, and it saddened me when I realized I’d never see another new-to-me Marx Bros. movie again.

So there it is…my tasty movie burger, minus the bacon, mayo, and a side of fries! Let me know what you think, and if you’re interested to see what Lindsey puts on her burger, just click on the logo below.

Big Kahuna Burger

10 comments on “The Movie Burger

  1. Julie Dunning

    Excellent Film-Burger !!!

    • Todd Benefiel

      Thank you, and please feel free to have a bite! It might even be better than Cheddar’s!

  2. spreth1

    I love the premise, and would like to suggest my own, inspired by the local cinema’s concession stand:

    Bucket of Hot Buttered Popcorn – a movie that delivered on its compelling trailer and stuck in your teeth for a while after watching it.
    Hot Dog – A movie made from leftovers and spare parts that you enjoyed more than you’re generally willing to admit.
    Nachos – A cheesy film that plays to ethnic stereotypes
    Milk Duds – A movie you had high expectations for that disappointed and left you wondering when it would be over.
    Good ‘N Plenty – One movie from a series that was tainted by the making of a sequel.
    Raisinets – A film that you enjoyed when it was fresh, but upon revisiting, seems dated and needlessly sugary.
    Whoppers – A film that asks you to suspend belief a bit farther than you are inclined to.
    Junior Mints – A movie that depicts childhood or children in a way that leaves a fresh taste in your mouth.

    • Todd Benefiel

      Hey, that’s great! We can call it ‘The Cinema Concession Stand’ or ‘Movie Snacks’…I’ll take my time working on this one, and post it when I’m done! Thanks for the idea…although I may need you to explain the ‘hot dog’ entry for me, and what type of movie you mean!

      • spreth1

        Cool! For the hot dog, I’m referring mostly to a movie that doesn’t have a lot of star power or a large budget, and maybe isn’t highly thought of, but you’re still glad you found it. For me, Office Space and Some Kind of Wonderful sort of fit the mold. Or is it my depiction of hot dogs as vapid, soulless, guilty pleasures that has you confused?

      • Todd Benefiel

        I would never consider a hot dog to be lacking a soul.

  3. grandrapidsgirl

    ROFL! Excellent!

  4. Popcorn Nights

    That’s a tasty burger! Thanks for the heads up about Paperman – I just watched it on Youtube.

    • Todd Benefiel

      Glad you liked Paperman, and thanks for taking a bite of my burger! Wait, um…well, you know what I mean. I hope.

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Review Totals

Movies Reviewed: 222

From the Monolith: 123

Movies by Decade

1920s – 0
1930s – 6
1940s – 19
1950s – 35
1960s – 34
1970s – 35
1980s – 33
1990s – 6
2000s – 13
2010s – 41

Movies by Genre

Action/Adventure – 40
Comedy – 35
Crime – 21
Documentary – 5
Drama – 24
Horror – 38
Musical – 1
Mystery/Thriller – 19
Romance – 3
Sci-Fi/Fantasy – 27
Western – 8

Movies by CM Rating

10 star – 10
9 star – 28
8 star – 35
7 star – 31
6 star – 22
5 star – 22
4 star – 23
3 star – 18
2 star – 18
1 star – 12
0 star – 3

Movies by MPAA Rating

Pre-1968 – 89
G – 1
PG – 32
PG-13 – 34
R – 58
NC-17 – 0
TV and Unrated – 8

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