Cinema Monolith

Reviews of movies from my giant DVD tower, and more.

Top 3 Most Disappointing Films of 2013

Man of Steel

#1  –  Man of Steel

Good lord, what a botched job this was, and wouldn’t you know it, it was directed by Zack Snyder, whose Sucker Punch made my Most Disappointing list for 2011. Once again we had a super hero origin story, this time showing us everything we’d already seen in the Christopher Reeve original, only now it was all pointlessly amped-up and over-overblown, and sadly lacking anything resembling awe, wonderment, or humor. Besides that, this Superman was the most insensitive and uncaring incarnation of the character I’d ever seen; apparently, his mission on Earth was to fight and fight and fight, in as destructive a way as possible, and in the most populated areas he could find. I rolled my eyes and shook my head more times in this film than in any other in recent memory, so for that, Man of Steel, you win top prize. Or bottom prize, I should say. And handcuffs? Seriously, Superman, your whole movie should be under arrest.

#2  –  A Good Day to Die Hard

And speaking of DC Comics, who decided to turn Bruce Willis’ character John McClane into a super hero? And why? In this fourth sequel to the far-superior first film in the series, Die Hard, McClane was no longer a simple—albeit a tough and resourceful—cop from New York, but some sort of Schwarzenegger-like robot, hell-bent on death, destruction, and blowing up whatever stood in his way. I’m never patient with movies where mayhem takes the place of intelligence, and that’s what irked me more than anything here: the story was just flat-out dumb, and took everything plot-wise to unbelievable extremes just for the sake of a flashy, action-jammed visual. My review explains my problems with this movie in a more in-depth manner, if you’re interested.

#3  –  The Heat

I’ve been a fan of Sandra Bullock’s work for a long time, but she sure does make some unfortunate choices every now and then, and this was definitely one of them. If you’ve seen Miss Congeniality, then there’s no need to see The Heat, because they’re one and the same, only with the actors’ roles flip-flopped: Sandra now has the even-keeled Benjamin Bratt part, while Melissa McCarthy is the slob fish-out-of-water character first played by Sandra in that earlier film. And it just flat-out doesn’t work. Forced and unfunny, with outrageous situations presented strictly for outrageous laughs, with no basis in common sense reality, even by comedic standards. In a nutshell, a buddy cop movie where you don’t care at all about the buddies, or their bothersome antics.

And Three Others I Wasn’t All That Crazy About

The Purge

Iron Man 3


6 comments on “Top 3 Most Disappointing Films of 2013

  1. I saw Iron Man 3 and just wanted to find a way out but was with the family. I have little interest in the other films other than a slight curiosity about Parker.

    • Todd Benefiel

      Ha! Thanks Mike…I was with friends who paid for my ticket, so I couldn’t find a way out, either! I did enjoy Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man, in all three films, but everything else in this one…forget it.

      As for Parker, I really like the novels, and I thought Jason Statham was a good fit, but the story was a letdown, and Jennifer Lopez’s character was quite irritating. Perhaps my view was tainted by the books; I’d say give it a try…but be forewarned.

  2. Stu

    2013? I remember that year. Nice to see your worst three! I’ve only seen Iron Man 3 and Man Of Steel from the ones you mention. Didn’t mind Iron Man 3, though should hasten to add that doesn’t mean I think it was good, but I agree Man Of Steel was terrible. It could have done with some of the spirit of the original…I found myself falling asleep during the big battles at the end, even though they were loud and bright.

    • Todd Benefiel

      I had the same problem, trying to stay awake during Man of Steel…and I was at the first show of the day! And I agree, it was definitely lacking in spirit…of any kind. Hell, the old George Reeves television show had more spirit (and smarts) than this thing did. And just wondering: did you have any ‘worst’ films from this past year that I should avoid, beyond what you reviewed?

      • Stu

        Funnily enough I didn’t see anything completely terrible at the cinema in 2014…there was nothing that I outright hated, anyway. I must be letting my standards slip or something!

      • Todd Benefiel

        My standards must have slipped, too; I didn’t see any dogs in 2014, but there were quite a few I was disappointed in, which I’ll reveal in my next Top Dismal list. Which hopefully will be posted in January or February. And yes, I do mean January or February of this year.

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Review Totals

Movies Reviewed: 222

From the Monolith: 123

Movies by Decade

1920s – 0
1930s – 6
1940s – 19
1950s – 35
1960s – 34
1970s – 35
1980s – 33
1990s – 6
2000s – 13
2010s – 41

Movies by Genre

Action/Adventure – 40
Comedy – 35
Crime – 21
Documentary – 5
Drama – 24
Horror – 38
Musical – 1
Mystery/Thriller – 19
Romance – 3
Sci-Fi/Fantasy – 27
Western – 8

Movies by CM Rating

10 star – 10
9 star – 28
8 star – 35
7 star – 31
6 star – 22
5 star – 22
4 star – 23
3 star – 18
2 star – 18
1 star – 12
0 star – 3

Movies by MPAA Rating

Pre-1968 – 89
G – 1
PG – 32
PG-13 – 34
R – 58
NC-17 – 0
TV and Unrated – 8

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